Pregnant Guest blogger Norwich Mumbler
Pregnant Guest Blogger Norwich Mumbler – 29 weeks update
When they say each pregnancy feels like it goes faster, they’re not lying.
I am 29 weeks pregnant now, which means only a mere 11 weeks to go. At the beginning 11 weeks feels like it last forrrrrrrever, but now it feels like time is running away and B-Day (Birth Day) will be here before I know it.
I think one of the main problems is I’m trying to organise a rather large children’s activities event at the beginning of June…and I’m due on 29th June. My husband was unimpressed when I told him my plan and said he would refuse to help me. Of course he will help, he was just saying it out of protest that I was going to attempt this event at 37 weeks pregnant, but having an event deadline before baby deadline is definitely making time feel like it is going even faster.
DELEGATION will be my word of the day for the event on 9th June – if only I could delegate on the 29th June too, ha!
Even though time is FLYING, I’ve been pretty good at taking regular bump pics and I’ve posted a few bump photos on my Instagram stories (for some reason it feels less public than posting them to the Mumbler FB page?). Quite a few people have commented on what a neat bump it is and I do always seem to grow a good bumpy type bump, but as ‘neat’ as the bump looks, it is now 85% stretchmarks.
They radiate from my belly button to around the diameter of a football. I know body positivity and ‘loving the stripes’ is very popular at the moment, and when the bump is full of baby it is way easier to accept them, but it is the aftermath that I am slightly dreading.
I am trying to feel ok about them though and remind myself that my body has stretched itself to its limit not once, not twice, but THREE times and so far grown two incredibly hilarious, stubborn, kind and noisy humans. Hopefully number 3 will be just as hilarious and kind, and a little bit less stubborn and noisy, but that it will still remind me it’s ok not to be ok with my post-baby body…it’s still damn amazing.
Guest blog 20 week scan Norwich Mumbler
20 Weeks Scan
What is the question you’ve been asked most when pregnant?
I honestly thought, having two girls, that the question I would get asked most would be, ‘So, you’re trying for a boy then?’ but instead, when we’ve told people we’re having a third, most people have gone with something along the lines of, ‘Are you mental?’ – ha!
If I’m completely honest, one of the reasons I REALLY wanted a third was because my mum’s friend is one of 3 girls and I loved the idea of my two being part of a trio of sisters when they grow up. Obviously I can’t guarantee that they’ll all get on and want to be friends, but that’s what I’m going to aim for…we just have to get through the teenage years!
The second question we’ve been asked most is, ‘Are you going to find out what you’re having?’. We waited the full 40+8 weeks and 39+5 weeks to find out what the girls were and there was nothing quite like having my husband tell me they were girls when they ‘popped’ out - in fact these are some of my favourite memories from their birthdays.
But this time round, I thought maybe we should find out and have a different experience by knowing what flavour the little bun in the oven is. Friends that I’ve spoken to have said the moment of birth wasn’t any less special because they already knew what they were having, it was still a surprise when they found out at the 20-week scan…and I was SO TEMPTED when the scan came. We still weren’t sure whether we would find out as the sonographer was checking the little bun over, but we just couldn’t bring ourselves to say those words, ‘Tell us!’.
And then it was done, scan complete, gender still a mystery. I have no idea what I’m looking at for those scans…was that a gender part? Why does my unborn baby resemble a turkey? Is that a foot or an arm?
All will be revealed at the end of June and one thing is for sure, whether it’s a boy or a girl, it’ll be part of our very own trio.
Kartin aka Norwich Mumbler
Breastfeeding Myths Guest Blog by Sian - No Milk Like Mama’s
Breastfeeding Myths Guest Blog by Sian - No Milk Like Mama’s
- Breastfeeding is painful
Whilst some discomfort can happen when you first start breastfeeding, truly painful breastfeeding is not ‘normal’ and is a sign that your baby does not have an optimal attachment to the breast. Too many times breastfeeding supporters see women who have struggled on through painful feeds, severe nipple trauma and dreading feeding their baby, with the misconception that it was normal to be painful and they just weren’t coping with this. This can lead to further issues which may take more support to unravel. Getting good quality support in place quickly if breastfeeding is painful can be key to breastfeeding success.
- Breastfeeding mothers get less sleep
It is often thought that breastfeeding mothers get less sleep. However, research has shown us that overall breastfeeding mothers get more sleep. Hormones in breastmilk help our babies fall back to sleep quickly, and the hormones released whilst breastfeeding, help mums to do the same. A breastfeed in the night can usually be a quick and calm way to settle babies back to sleep with minimal disruption.
- I’ll never be able to be away from my baby
In the newborn days it is true to say that breastfeeding can feel quite intense, but so can bottle feeding. Making feeds, heating water, washing bottles, sterilising, none of this is easy. All mothers work extremely hard. Whilst breastfeeding may feel a little all consuming in those early weeks, as your baby grows, your breastmilk changes. An increase in the casein:whey protein ratio in breastmilk enables babies to go a little longer between feeds, perhaps giving mum some time to relax and spend some time on herself.
- Breastfeeding will make my breasts ‘saggy’
Nope, you can blame pregnancy hormones, age and a dose of gravity for that one!
- I’ll have to stop breastfeeding when I go back to work
Many babies are already weaned onto solids by the time mum returns to work. Babies can eat meals, snacks and drink water when away from mum and return to the breast when they are reunited. If your baby does accept milk feeds when away from you, this can be given in a sippy or open cup, bottles are not always necessary. Health and Safety laws protect the needs of breastfeeding mothers to enable them to express at work and store their breastmilk.
- I can’t breastfeed if I’m unwell
The opposite could not be truer. It is very important to continue to breastfeed when you are unwell. Your body makes antibodies against the specific virus you have, and these are then given to your baby via your breastmilk, giving them greater protection from this. Aren’t our bodies amazing?!
- I can’t breastfeed if I am taking medication
Many medications are compatible with breastfeeding, and if a medication is not, alternatives can often be found. Please seek support to discuss this further if this concerns you.
- Breastfeeding is easy
Whilst breastfeeding is natural, it is a learned skill of both mother and baby requiring time, patience and support. Good quality, compassionate and consistent support from family, friends and professionals enables the breastfeeding relationship to be an enjoyable one.
Sian Aldis, International Board Certified Lactation Consultant
IBCLC. BA(Hons). FdSc.
Sian runs No Milk Like Mama’s and hosts a FREE Breastfeeding Support Café at Rowan House (Health & Wellbeing Centre) in Hethersett on the 1st and 3rd Friday of each month between 10am and 12noon. Everyone is welcome to attend this drop in service. For more details of the services offered, please see http://www.nomilklikemamas.co.uk/or find her on Facebook and Instagram.
Norwich Mumbler my new pregnant guest blogger
Norwich Mumbler my new pregnant guest blogger
I always knew I wanted two children. I used to joke to my husband about wanting
three just to see him squirm or get cross about what a logistical nightmare it
would be etc, etc. but I knew 2 was our number.
YET…along came baby number two and whilst I was ‘soaking her
in’ and ‘making the most of her’ because
I knew she was our last one, I had this niggle in the back of my head that
perhaps we weren’t done. Lots of my
friends have said they absolutely, unequivocally knew they were done, but I
never felt it!
Fast-forward nearly two years later and we’d sorted out the
logistical nightmares of potentially having three children, when that little
line showed on the pregnancy test! I
have to say though, even though it was what we wanted, I was not prepared for
the sudden guilt tears that followed.
Guilt for our two girls, who would have the upheaval of a new sibling, guilt
that they might think we weren’t happy with just them, guilt for people who
can’t conceive, guilt for people who have lost, guilt, guilt, guilt.
It took a little while to get my head around having another
baby, our youngest has only just started sleeping through (she’s nearly 2!) and
the thought of going back to the 2-hourly wakeups and seemingly constant sleep
regressions was HARD but, after two children, I am well-versed in the fact that
nothing lasts forever and everything is a ‘phase’. The days are long but the years are short,
right?
My past two pregnancies have been very sicky for the first 9
to 15-22 weeks, so when week 9 came with this pregnancy I was ready. Apart from I wasn’t sick – hurrah! I was nauseous from week 6 but nothing that
some bitter lemon or a sour Haribo wouldn’t fix. I was so pleased, if not a little smug.
Then BAM, it hit - I thought I’d escaped, but no. Eugh! (and I’m definitely voting for this one being another girl – ha!)
The first 16 weeks have been hard. Doing school runs and running after a ‘strong-willed’ 2-year-old, whilst trying to keep on top of my Norwich Mumbler to-do list (not to mention housework, cooking etc.) hasn’t been the easiest, but there’s finally some light at the end of my ‘morning sickness’ tunnel, so bring on the rest of the second trimester.
Check out my other blogs and we will hear from Katrin again in the future . Please also check out her awesome website ,a hub for all things family related!
Guest Blog - Chelsea's Birth Story
Guest Blog – Chelsea’s Birth Story ;
this is Chelsea’s final blog to let us know all about her labour and birth, its been amazing having her write and blog her first pregnancy a BIG THANK YOU Chelsea ..
Monday 3rd December at 18.27pm was when my life changed for for the better. Through the tiredness, tears and sore bits came beautiful blue eyes, tiny toes and peach fuzz hair.
My long awaited labour came at 41 weeks +3 starting at 1am on Sunday 2nd with waters breaking and painful cramps. I laid awake wondering when the best time was to poke my husband awake to tell him ‘It’s Happening’, after all we’re in it together and he needs his sleep to keep me sane when i can’t get mine!
2 hours later i needed to start my ‘Tens Machine’ and i can’t put it on myself so when i eventually plucked up the courage to whisper to Adam that i need him to help me, he freaked… 3 nervous toilet breaks later he was on top form! Keeping my glass topped up, rubbing my back, contacting parents to tell them the news and keeping in touch with MLBU with up to date info on my progression.
By 11am my ‘Surges’ were 3 in 10 so i rushed over to the MLBU ward whilst laying on top of cushions and blankets my hubby had set out for me on the back seat, like my very own blanket bed listening to our homemade hypnobirthing playlist. Thank god for ‘Spotify’!
After I hobbled into MLBU in the hope that i’d be popping out my baby within an hour or so I found out i was 1cm dilated…CRUSHED…how could that be? My contractions then accelerated to 1min-30sec apart so I was kept in and transferred to Cley ward with an injection of pethidine to help me sleep as I’d been awake close to 35hrs with only 2 hours sleep, 18 of those were in labour.
The following 22hrs were a blur, from being transferred back to MLBU at 4cm, continuing my Hypnobirthing breathing in warm baths then transferred onto the Delivery Suite when I went beyond 24hrs for risk of infection. I then had the beloved Hormone drip and an Epidural (recommended from the Midwifes).
Some hours later And after pushing for 1hr ½ with minimum pain relief as my epidural was inserted too high, i had a swarm of doctors around me trying to talk to me about intervention. In all honesty I have no idea who was talking to me about what, I had to sign my life away with reassurance from my hubby on what was best. I was prepped for forceps delivery and a cesarean section. I was scared and shaking sitting on the edge of the bed clutching my ‘bb hug me’ pillow when my Epidural was whipped out and spinal block inserted. I was given a Episiotomy operation and a manual placenta removal (yep just as unpleasant as it sounds).
My baby was back to back and had shoulder dystocia. My beautiful Arlo was born with large bruising on the back of his head from pushing on my pelvic bone, Lacerations under his right eye from forceps which caused swelling and an eye hematoma. His cry was a horrific painful cry, Arlo was transferred to Nicu to have a cannula for antibiotics and pain relief which is where he went everyday.
Off I then went to Blakeney which is where I stayed for a week while we both recover. I discovered my little one and learnt how to breastfeed him. The midwife’s were beyond great.
The NHS is constantly criticised but there’s never enough praise for the amazing job that the midwifes, nurses and surgeons do on a daily basis. I had a 42hr labour and I got through it with the most amazing caring staff. Who are at your bedside for encouragement and hugs when it all your emotions run wild together and my modern day hero hubby who helped me through my pain and discomfort.
I didn’t have the labour I had intended but I would do everything again. Our little Arlo is beyond beautiful and he amazes me every day, and in all honesty once you look into those big beautful blue eyes everything is forgotten.
Too soon for another??
A Happy Family Christmas: the realistic way - guest blog
A Happy Family Christmas: the realistic way – guest blog by Sam James
Christmas time with babies and young children can be a magical time. It can also be a stressful time. Parenthood is an ongoing wrestle between ideal expectations versus the reality, and Christmas can be a stark reminder of this. That’s why I am going to share my 3 top tips to help you to create a realistically happy Christmas for you and your family.
I remember our son’s first Christmas and I had put so much pressure on myself to have the ‘perfect’ Christmas, fuelled by my perception of what all my new mummy friends were preparing and what the world of adverts, films and social media were telling me Christmas should be like.
The reality was nothing like it. The stress built like a pressure cooker, and it felt like everything that could go wrong did go wrong:
- Our trip home from South Wales to Norfolk, was delayed by several days due to heavy snowfall (I normally love snow, but not in 2010!)
- My husband and I ended up with food poisoning
- My grandmothers water pipe burst in her garage
- My parents washing machine broke
- We argued with our families. I remember hiding in my room, messaging friends, wishing I was in my own home.
- Our son was poorly on Christmas Day and I spent a considerable amount of my day on the phone to 111.
- I lost my voice on Boxing day and woke up with conjunctivitis.
I vividly remember feeling so disappointed, upset and exhausted. At the time this was all I could focus on. That Christmas was a failure.
Yet, if I were to share photos of our son’s first Christmas it won’t show any of that. It will show him with his stocking, opening presents with his cousins, having his first Christmas lunch, families laughing and playing together.
In reality, 8 years on, I am able to recognise that despite all of the drama that surrounded Christmas 2010, there were many moments to treasure. With hindsight I wish I had taken the pressure off myself and my family to have a ‘perfect’ time, that I had lowered my expectations and embraced the time together warts and all.
It is so easy to get swept along with what we think everyone else is doing, and feeling like we should be keeping up with everyone else. So, how can you try and make Christmas work for you without the stress?
Create a Realsitic Happy Christmas.
- Create your own family traditions
Don’t force yourself to do things that ‘everyone else’ always seems to be doing, if it doesn’t fit for you. Everyone’s situations are totally different – what works for your friend or your sibling’s family might lead to huge financial strain for you, or a really uncomfortable family situation.
- Focus on the time together.
What do you want Christmas to feel like for you and your family? People remember the feelings they are left with far longer than the things that they are left with. As humans we are wired to seek out connections with each other, and being with other people and sharing positive experiences far out ways material objects, in terms of long-term happiness. There is a post on social media, written by a teacher for parents as a reminder of just this – that when they go back to school when asked about Christmas, the children share stories of staying in their pj’s for the day, playing games, watching films, going for walks. If they mention presents it tends to be the last thing they talk about.
- Soften your expectations.
It is going to sound pessimistic, but I now accept that there are going to be moments when I want to scream at everyone, that someone will may end up ill, that there will be some very random present choices and some things won’t go to plan. By accepting these things in advance, I won’t feel like Christmas is ruined if it happens. So, be honest with yourself, and where can you lower the bar of expectation this Christmas?
If you’d love more tips for reducing the Christmas stress you can find my 8 top tips here https://samjamescoaching.co.uk/tinsel-tantrums/
Enjoy your Christmas in whatever way you choose. I can’t wait for snuggles on the sofa in pj’s with my tribe!
Save my top tips below to your phone !
www.samjamescoaching.co.uk
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The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on… Co- sleeping
The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on… Co- sleeping
Don’t let baby sleep in your bed.
Put them down awake.
Get rid of the dummy.
Put socks on him.
Dream feed them.
Have you tried a banana before bed?
Order a white noise machine, Gro clock and black out blinds.
Type in ‘how to get a baby to sleep through the night’, and you will be met with so much conflicting and sometimes very odd advice.
Elijah our first child was always a pretty good sleeper, from around six weeks he slept 7-7 and after about a year he did so in his own room. Other than the odd early wake up, or a bout of illness and even getting rid of the dummy we have always had it pretty good with him.
We co slept for a while, it just happened naturally, if he woke up early he would come in with us and we would sleep until a reasonable hour.
I remember being told that this was the worst possibly thing to do, we would ‘create a rod for our own backs’, he wouldn’t never sleep in his own room and wouldn’t be able to settle himself etc.
I liked him being close to me, it meant I could keep an eye on him, and as he got bigger I liked when he snuck in our bed.
Bed hopping
I do vaguely remember there was a time where the three of us would bed hop, between his room, our room and the sofa but do you know what, we still slept.
I got told by someone that if it isn’t a problem for you, then there is no problem and I hand on my heart believe this. We all slept and no it wasn’t the most convenient thing in the world but it kind of worked.
Then came his brother who didn’t quite follow in his brothers footsteps, so much so even now at sixteen months still doesn’t sleep very well.
We thought we had learnt a lot from having Elijah, and we were quite open to co sleeping again if it meant that we all slept but we were not prepared when it came to our little sleep thief.
I even in a sleep deprived state ordered a Ewan the Sheep in hope it would work, it did not.
Take last night, he went to bed in his room, woke up but settled again around five times but as we were approaching the wee hours he came in with us and slept until 7am, and allowed his brother a lay in until 7.30am!
The need for sleep
Some may have an issue about co sleeping and it obviously can be very dangerous in certain situations and I am not necessarily an advocate for it, I am however very much for getting sleep.
I don’t have any worries that by co sleeping that I will have one of them in the bed until they are teenagers.
I think in the first couple of years you are in survival mode and you do what you can to get the illustrious bout of sleep that you think about all day long.
There will be a time where they wont be waking up. Clambering into your bed, kicking you for hours through the night or my personal favourite using your head as a pillow.
It is and when your child doesn’t sleep, and you really do get quite desperate trying everything and anything.
It can be even harder when you know others their age who do sleep, and it can feel as though you are the one doing something wrong.
Once you have had a baby you are in such a rush for them to sleep through the night as we believe that this is an indication of their ability in a way.
Truth be told, I don’t think much helps, they will sleep when and where they want to. A little further down the road something will click and you will be waking up with a toddler heavy breathing in your face demanding that it is time for breakfast and C Beebies.
Three or four in a bed
Strangely, you will begin to miss those times where you woke up with no duvet and neck ache, snuggled up with someone whose nappy is feeling and smelling way too full.
Or when you, your partner, your child and every single one of their teddies has to come in and you find yourself balanced on the edge of the bed not daring to move in case you fall out!
Let go of the pressure, the guilt if you are reading this after a semi successful night where your baby/toddler/ pre-schooler/ cat and you did share a bed then don’t sweat it.
Once again, if it isn’t a problem for you, it isn’t a problem, try not to compare yourselves.
Different things work for different people, and that’s okay, however if one of them does still sleep with us when he is in his twenties then I may come back to revisit this!
Vicki Cockerill is a Freelance Content Writer and NICU/CHD Mum to two boys, she authors The Honest Confessions Of A NICU Mum Blog, founded and runs The NICU Parent Partnership Organisation and co-hosts @KnackeredandNorwich Social Club.. You can contact her via her blog or social media;
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Guest blog - cake smash with Jess Wilkins Photography, Norfolk Photographer
Guest blog – cake smash with Jess Wilkins Photography, Norfolk Photographer
By Muffin and Puffin & Mollie!
When Jess asked about collaborating for a photoshoot cake-smash I was delighted. It was the perfect timing to mark a milestone birthday, Mollie turning 2 and also gave me an opportunity to bring some local businesses together to celebrate one another, support one another and share some hopefully wonderful content.
Knowing Jess as I do, I wasn’t worried or nervous in the slightest, she has a very calming nature and I knew that Mollie, while I couldn’t guarantee pose perfection, wouldn’t feel anything other than calm and happy in her studio.
We pulled up with cake and outfits and went straight into her perfect little studio. White, calm, beautiful, natural props and a tiny delicate rail of beautiful baby clothes (how I wish we had come to Jess when Mollie was a few days old!) A little slice of studio heaven.
Mollie was instantly drawn to the props, in particular the wooden birthday cake (how apt!) and from there it was a breeze. She happily got into her matching Christmas Pjs with me (a small request for an image from myself) and before we had a chance to give any sort of direction she had pulled the chair into the middle of the set and started posing. She does not take after me at all(!)
A quick outfit change later into a piece made specially by the very talented Little Dottie Designs and she was back into pose mode… gleefully knocking over the TWO props and delicately eating all the sprinkles from the cake.
Jess gave no direction; the whole experience was led by Mollie with me guiding her for a few of the shots. We stopped when she stopped, and Jess shot when she was happily eating her Little Cake Company cake (topped beautifully by the topper from the talented Vellamaes) and we also took some fun time-lapse videos from #bts.
In under an hour it felt that it came to a natural end as there had been no incidents, meltdowns or tears… Mollie truly enjoyed the experience as did I. I have threatened to come back weekly for Jess’ calming influence over my little whirlwind of a toddler.
I cannot recommend Jess enough, she’s a mama herself and she just ‘gets it’ she was efficient without being bossy, she was calm without being airy and it felt more like a playdate than a studio shoot.
There’s not much point waxing lyrical about the final shots – I think they speak for themselves.
Jess can we come back for every birthday?
Sophie x
The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on… Relationships
The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on… Relationships
One thing I do not think you are fully prepared for after having a bay is how much the dynamic of your relationship changes with your partner.
Whilst you are pregnant you often live in a honeymoon bubble, excitedly imagining what your new life as parents is going to be like.
Then after the physical act of labour you are normally engulfed in the new born bubble of bliss.
Give or take a couple of weeks suddenly you are both running on empty, mum smells like cheese and you watch as a slightly too eager dad leaves to return back to work.
Sleep deprivation is indescribable, and nor how you have to find your new balance as a family. Going from two of you, to three, to four and the stress of finding your groove and getting a balance back can take months.
Resentment
The one thing that surprised me most about how our relationship changed were those undercurrents of resentment.
I resented him for getting to leave, for going out and being an adult, and for making me feel guilty if I asked him to help in the night because he had to get up for work and I was ‘just’ looking after the baby.
Knowing what I know now, it is normal to feel like this.
I guess you could say after having a baby in NICU and then open heart surgery we had it tougher than most, we got through it and looking back I never realised how hard it was for him too.
For me I was struggling and I was consumed with depression but he not only went through this with his child too, but he watched his partner fall down somewhere that he was unsure of she was going to get back out of.
Then he watched as post-natal depression overwhelmed me after the birth of our second child, he was more involved than most and I never appreciated that at the time.
Tiredness
We bicker, we argue who is more tired, who does more and who the children like the best but the one thing we try to remember is that what ever ‘phase’ is stressing us out the most another illness, early wake ups, no money, it won’t be forever.
There is of course the physical side chances are after having a baby and not sleeping for eight weeks straight you aren’t going to feel that frisky.
For me the change isn’t the physical aspect never really bothered me, it was when we stopped communicating or being honest with one another that really affected me.
It was holding in what was bothering us causing it to fester under the surface.
For a while how the two pregnancies changed my body I was self-conscious that he no longer ‘fancied’ me as such but I think your relationship after having a baby goes to a new level where it isn’t just about superficiality anymore.
We try and talk to each other, validate one another and acknowledge how the other one is feeling but after ten years together and two children our relationship has changed vastly.
Little things
There are subtle things like when he makes me a coffee when I’m working or when we wait to watch a program until we are together that tend to mean more to us now.
We used to go out multiple nights of the week and would spend whole weekends hungover on the sofa but now, we are normally getting up at the time we used to come home with the kids!
Having two children under five is hard, and it is testing.
You are bone shatteringly tired, you’ve got barely any money and you’ve just put the toys away for the hundredth time that morning.
You snap, you whinge but you know when it comes down to it, sitting down in front of the Great British Bake Off praying that no one wakes up to interrupt you is where you want to be.
I want to remember this times as this is what made us stronger as a couple and a few years down the line you will look back and feel such a sense of pride you did it together.
It can be hard to see it from their point of view and their will be blow outs of spectacular proportion normally caused by no sleep and over something small but getting through these first early years together do change you as a couple.
Dynamic
I think it can be easy to think that when you are pregnant you will both stay the same and the baby slots in, but I think it is really you two adapting around the baby.
You cant just nip out for a date night now, you will think twice about going on an all nighter and guess what C Beebies and a toddler whilst suffering from a hangover doth not make a fun Sunday.
Everything changes, who does what, when, you as people change too and there is one way is a mourning period of the couple you used to be and the lives you used to have before the baby.
I don’t think we have a magic formula, we argue like most, we are tired, but one thing we always remember and what I would say to any new parents is to accept the changes they are inevitable but they don’t define you and just laugh.
Even when you are in those trenches fighting a losing battle of getting up a hundred times in one night, and start arguing about who hasn’t fed the cat again, just laugh it won’t last forever but you two will if you stick together.
Vicki Cockerill is a Freelance Content Writer and NICU/CHD Mum to two boys, she authors The Honest Confessions Of A NICU Mum Blog, founded and runs The NICU Parent Partnership Organisation and co-hosts @KnackeredandNorwich Social Club.. You can contact her via her blog or social media;
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The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on…. Birth
The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on…. Birth
I recently met someone who I knew, last time I saw her she was heavily pregnant, and now she was pushing a little bundle around.
I went to congratulate her, and then it was though I couldn’t help myself, I then asked her if the birth was good, turns out she had a rotten time and I felt awful and intrusive for even asking.
Having both of my boys, I have suffered two birth traumas and used to hate when people asked me if it was natural, painful or my favourite ‘good’.
I had found myself using the exact phrase I used to abide, why is it as a nation we are so interested in birth stories, and always want to know exactly how someone gave birth before you’ve even asked the baby’s name?
Wellbeing
It’s odd we are normally so focused on the baby, we tend to forget the wellbeing of the mum, as she is just expected to put everything to one side now she is responsible for the small human she just birthed.
Birth has changed so much over time, dad’s are now active birth partners, there are new practices and methods.
I think I must have just been really oblivious when I was pregnant with my eldest about giving birth, we went to ante natal classes but seeing a doll being pushed through a pelvis doesn’t really have the same effect as actually giving birth does it?
One Born Every Minute terrified me so I had to stop watching it, towards the end of my pregnancy I was felt very under prepared. I felt for a first time mum I was not really educated when it came to giving birth. Yes, all births are different and it might have been my own fault for relaying only on the ante natal classes, but I really didn’t have a clue.
Spoiler alert; it is not like it is in the films.
With both of my births, I was sick and had an awful stomach during contractions which meant for two labours I spent most of my time on the toilet. I actually stayed on the toilet with both of them until I was ready to push!
Hospital vs Home
Elijah was born in hospital after 8 hours and a fairly textbook labour but I suffered a significant haemorrhage and the aftermath of being stitched up traumatised me. I developed and infection and needed a blood transfusion. I didn’t have a clue what was being done or why.
I spent so much of my time re living the birth over and over which when I fell pregnant the second time, it made me fear giving birth again.
There was a turning point and that was attending a hypnobirthing course with Jackie at The Orange Grove Clinic. I learnt so much about my attitude towards birth, my language and for the first time in seven months I felt positive and empowered to give birth the way I wanted.
That’s the thing with giving birth again you are suddenly more aware, you know what could and couldn’t happen and you are more prepared.
Let down
Which makes me think perhaps we are letting down some first time mums if they like me were solely relying on the local ante natal classes, or perhaps as a society it is our view as birth as a whole?
Out attitude, our language, our pressure to live up to an unrealistic image of birth and when we don’t achieve it we feel as though we have failed.
Turns out my second son had other ideas, and after sitting down to watch Die Hard 2, I ended up giving birth less than fifty minutes later in the bath!
My two experiences were polar opposites when I did eventually get to hospital with Harlow, I was met on the Midwife Led Birthing Unit, and they were so mindful of my past experience and supported and understood me.
Empowered
It made me think it really does make a difference when there is someone there to empower you, I wish I had that the first time round. Or perhaps someone had just taken the time to talk to me, to explain what was going on, being done then perhaps I wouldn’t have been so unaware of things.
There is an attitude shift towards birth at the moment, and we are beginning to look at our attitude, our language it is no longer your dirty little secret if you have a ‘bad’ birth or trauma, there is a focus on you, and your wellbeing after birth.
Birth Better
There is a fabulous network called the Birth Better Network who are doing just that, and revolutionising the way birth has affected us, and how we can make significant changes for the future. The Huffington Post which has hundreds of thousands of readers every day is also currently doing a fantastic series called the Birth Diaries to show how diverse birth can be.
I think we still have a long way to go regarding educating ourselves about birth, and we still need to shift our attitude and let the new mum take the lead to talk about her experience is she wants to but the important thing is not to put pressure or high expectations on birth and to give everyone the tools they need to have the birth they want. Or if things don’t go to plan it is explained to them every step of the way.
Vicki Cockerill is a Freelance Content Writer and NICU/CHD Mum to two boys, she authors The Honest Confessions Of A NICU Mum Blog and co-founded the @KnackeredandNorwich Social Club and campaigns for NICU and MMH issues. You can contact her via her blog or social media;
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