New pregnant blogger – Secret blogger

My lovely blogger Kate has had her twin boys, she’ll be in the studio soon and blogger how the birth went!

I also have a new pregnant blogger – it’s a secret for a little bit longer until she is 20 weeks

On the day I found out I was pregnant I remember how crisp and cool the air felt outside. It was early in February and I had an overwhelming feeling that I was carrying a little life inside me. Before I went to purchase a pregnancy test (or 4!) I took my youngest to the forest to clear my head and calm my nervous system. I wasn’t really sure how I was feeling.

A mixture of pure exhilaration, excitement and joy but also worry over how my body might respond to another pregnancy. (During my previous pregnancies I have been unwell and living with an autoimmune disease always brings uncertainties and complications to each pregnancy). However the forest restored my sense of calm, it reminded me that I was safe and that life and indeed nature has a way knowing how to grow into something beautiful and new.

That afternoon, with my youngest by my feet, I took a pregnancy test and there it was ~ two little blue lines confirming my what my intuition had been telling me. We were due to travel on holiday in 2 days so the timing was interesting, but my partner was over the moon (and only had to stare at the tests a couple of times before realising they were not lateral flow tests).

We have two small children and decided it would be best to wait until the 12 week scan before we told them I had a little life growing in my belly. Mainly because my eldest is very sociable and I imagined scenarios of them telling everyone in any beach / forest / walk / shop we went to that mummy has a baby in her tummy.

During the first 6-12 weeks the food aversions and sickness was unreal. I have experienced this in all of my pregnancies and it never gets any easier. The term “morning sickness” is rubbish because this type of sickness lasted 24/7. I managed by sipping carbonated water and eating potatoes for what felt like a lifetime but was probably only 5-6 weeks. I found it a lot harder to manage the exhaustion with two children under 5 as there was very little time to simply rest compared to my first pregnancy. Hiding it from work colleagues was also interesting as those Microsoft teams cameras can be unforgiving if you are experiencing a day of sickness mixed with back to back meetings.

Now that I am in the second trimester, the sickness and exhaustion has definitely faded. I have more energy and am finding I can eat more than just potatoes and chips. I am also enjoying reading about mindful pregnancy techniques such as breath-work, meditation, hypnobirthing and yoga and have spent time each week documenting my pregnancy journey by writing in a journal. My children now know they have a baby brother/sister who will be joining them earth-side very soon and my bump is definitely starting to show. Soon I will tell more people but I have really enjoyed keeping this pregnancy to ourselves for now.

We have had our 12 week scan and it always feel surreal to see a little soul wiggling around on a black and white monitor and yet also be unable to feel anything from inside. The scan brought so much relief but of course every now and again I catch my thoughts wandering into worry.

Each week I write affirmations in my journal and on the days when I feel anxious or unsure about my capabilities I repeat some of the following:

*my body knows how to protect and nourish my baby, *I trust my instincts, *I am present, *I trust my body to know what to do. I am going with the flow and it feels good to really savour each moment of this pregnancy.

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Pop back in a few weeks for more guest blogs!

36 weeks pregnant with twins – the calm before the storm

I’m now in my last week of pregnancy. To be honest, I’m a little surprised they’re still cooking given 3 in 5 twins are born before 37 weeks. But that means I am huge, and day by day as the babies get bigger I feel I’m slowing down more and more and my feet are getting so swollen I’m down to living in some ‘slider’ sandals. As I get nearer to 37 weeks I know that actually, these boys could come anytime- which is really unnerving and makes me feel anxious. I’m just praying that they sit tight until my planned c-section! (Guidance is that twins are delivered at 37-38 weeks).

Up until this week, the last few weeks feel like they have gone quite slowly with the end in sight but still weeks away. I had a scan at 32 weeks where both babies were growing well and were 4lb 9 and 4lb 3. They had grown to 6lb 6 and 5lb 9 come my 36 week scan! Whilst it’s lovely to see them on the screen, it’s not a pleasant experience as I feel quite faint lying on my back for so long given all the weight. The sonographers have been great though and allowed me to move to my side during the scans. Twin 1 has always been head down with his head now so low down that it’s uncomfortable when I walk and move. Whilst twin 2 has moved from transverse to breech with his head high in my ribs. The consultant has been pleased with how everything has been progressing which has been such a relief and blessing as I know not all twin pregnancy journeys are smooth.

I’ve felt really anxious having to wait and not knowing when my c-section date would be. Particularly as I’m the type of person who likes to have everything planned. Come 35 weeks I still hadn’t received a date so I called up and was told the date. However, eventually finding out made it all suddenly become so real. The twin pregnancy was a massive shock when we found out back in November and although I’ve had these last 5 months or so to process it and think about how life will be with 4 kids and how we’d manage with twins etc, it’s still felt a little surreal and I guess I’ve not had to face the challenge head on yet. But now we have a date when everything will change feels quite overwhelming.

I finished work at 32.5 weeks which was timely as my brain was becoming so foggy. As with my previous pregnancies that gave me around 3 weeks before the twins are due to arrive to enjoy some time to get jobs done, have some me-time etc. Oh how wrong I was! The start of my maternity leave coincided with the school Easter holidays and although my parents had arrived to stay nearby as the holidays began (the start of their 3 month stay to help us out), they both came down with covid within a few days of their arrival. As such there were many a home day trying to entertain the boys as I couldn’t take them out due to my limited walking capability. Even with help available now, I find it so hard to sit down and rest, there are always things that need doing, the boys always want something, I really struggle to ask for help because I don’t want to put other people out or burden them and often it’s just easier if I do things myself. I’m trying though to rest and ask for help more even though it doesn’t come easy. I know I’m going to have to get over the reluctance to ask for help once the twins have arrived because I won’t be able to do everything after the c-section.

The other difference between my singleton and twin maternity leave so far is that this time round although I finished work much earlier because I am so much bigger my ability to do things is hugely inhibited. I’m pretty sure I was down on my hands and knees cleaning and sorting previously. Now it’s a struggle just going up and down the stairs!

Even though life is already crazy with a 7 year old and a 4 year old, I have been trying to enjoy the relative calm of these last few weeks before the storm comes when we bring the twins home and life is even crazier. Amid everything else, we’ve been getting things prepared at home for the twins including rearranging our bedroom to make space for the crib and then cot that they’ll share, re-painting what will be the twin’s room and getting their carpet and the carpet on the landing and stairs replaced (which desperately needed doing) to make home feel a little more cosy given how much more time I’ll be spending at home. Obviously there’s also been lots of washing (more washing!!) to wash all the baby clothes and bedding.

The end of this pregnancy is nigh and this last week has been filled with appointments- midwife, scan, PCR test and pre-op and anxiety is huge right now. A c-section will be completely different to the births I had for my singleton boys and knowing how hard the first few days/ weeks have been previously with feeding etc I’m not exactly looking forward to it. I am super excited about meeting the twins though, I feel they already have their different characteristics from their movements in the womb and I’m really curious to see what they’ll look like and if they’re identical or not. I certainly never expected to have a blonde haired blue eyed son with our second, especially as I have such dark features, so I really don’t know what to expect this time.

I look forward to sharing the birth story and next chapter of our twin journey with you in the next blog.

check out Kate’s previous blogs here. 

24 week scan and twin blog

24 week scan and twin blog

One of the best things about having a twin pregnancy so far is that I get to see the twins every 4 weeks at scans. In a singleton pregnancy it’s a long time to go from 20 weeks to then seeing baby in the flesh!

At my 24 week scan both boys were weighing (according to their measurements) 1lb 13oz with just 16g (a chunk of chocolate) between them. It was a relief to know that all was well, but very much dreading the later weeks of pregnancy and how big I’ll end up being.

At the moment I go home after my scans and log in for my virtual consultant appointments. With everything being straightforward so far, these have been very short. One thing I’m having to consider though is delivery. I was so fortunate with my first two pregnancies to have natural deliveries in the maternity led birthing unit without any pain relief or complications etc. I know though with there being twins this time that it’s not going to be so straightforward! Everything about natural delivery with twins terrifies me, from the epidural (which they prefer to do with twins), and possibilities of induction, assisted delivery/ intervention to the delivery of one and then needing an emergency c-section for the second. Although I know there are also risks with a c-section and the recovery is often longer it terrifies me a little less and I feel it will be a more controlled environment. But then I also know I might not have any choice about how these boys need to come out!

Pelvic pain

In my previous blog I mentioned about pelvic pain which I’ve been struggling with since about 17 weeks. It’s specifically pain in my pubic bone and I had this with in my second pregnancy and received physio for it, but this time it has started much sooner. It basically feels like constant pressure on my pubic bone and hurts when I walk, when I sit for too long, when I’m standing for too long, lifting my legs, lying in bed etc. I had my first physio appointment over the phone at 23 weeks, which despite initial hesitations as to how that would work, let alone help, it was actually really helpful. We had a long call whereby she asked me lots of questions and got me to do different movements to try and ascertain what was going on and what might help. She gave me some really useful tips and advice as well as some exercises I can do to try and strengthen the muscles supporting the pelvis. I was sent a huge tubigrip support band to wear whilst out and about to help lighten the load. It’s something I know won’t get significantly better whilst pregnant, but at least this will hopefully help prevent it from getting much worse. It will only improve once the twins have arrived so in the meantime I’ve got to hold on in there! The next appointment will hopefully be in-person, covid permitting.

Over these last few weeks I’ve been meeting other twin mums which has really helped me to mentally prepare and I’m fortunate to know a couple of twin mummies. Hearing their experiences and tips and advice has helped to make things feel a little less daunting. Although I’ve still found it overwhelming at times with everything that will be coming our way. I’ve also found it helpful speaking with other mummies that have had c-sections and about their birth stories and recoveries. It honestly feels like I’m a first time mum again! Everything is so different this time round.

Maternity leave

Even though maternity leave is still some time away, our thoughts and planning have already turned to childcare. I’ve been really surprised and disappointed by the lack of financial childcare support available for parents of multiples. It’s not as though we choose to have more than one child at a time and given the huge cost of childcare for one child let alone two, it gives some couples little choice other than not to return to work. Knowing two places are harder to secure than one and weighing up the financial cost of nursery, child minders and whether it’s even financially feasible to return to work at all has been playing on our minds since we found out we were having twins. Also this time round we don’t have family helping with childcare as we have in the past which raises the cost more. So much to consider! We’ve put plans in place over these last few weeks and fortunately work still seems to be feasible and we have a few childcare options available. Things will definitely be tight until their three-year funding comes in though!

13 weeks now left to go (unless they decide to come early) and hoping I can last until 33 weeks working so I can make the most of maternity leave with the twins.

read Kate’s other blogs here.

The twin pregnancy journey- 20 week scan

After our 12 week scan, I literally felt as though the rug had been pulled from underneath my feet. Life would never be the same again. It took me weeks to accept that I was pregnant with twins and I guess love the babies I was growing inside me. I was left just so hugely overwhelmed with everything. We now had a mountain of logistical things to sort out.

 We had literally got a new (5 seater car) the previous year but this was now obviously going to be useless. This was one of the first things we looked to sort out and we were, fortunately, able to get a 2nd-hand 7 seater fairly quickly, although it did mean compromising for an automatic but beggars can’t be choosers! I think this lifted a huge weight and stress for both of us knowing that we’d be able to go out in the car as a family.

The other big thing I was keen to get sorted was the twin buggy. I knew which one I wanted and a brand new one was out of the question, so, much to my husband’s annoyance, I was constantly checking market place. I soon managed to find the exact one with everything we needed for an absolute bargain! Stress was once again reduced and I felt so much better and more prepared having got the two big things sorted.

My 20 week scan was booked for between Christmas and New Year so with all the Christmas prep, shopping and various events and parties I didn’t have the brain capacity for any more twin logistics. I honestly wasn’t sure what I was more looking forward to- Christmas or seeing the twins again on the screen, finding out if they were ok and if we might potentially be having at least one girl.

Thankfully everything was fine on the 20 week scan and both twins were measuring and growing well with no concerns, which was a relief. Having hoped and prayed for at least one girl, we found out that we were having two more boys. I’ll be totally honest- I was a bit disappointed. I was also a little surprised as I hadn’t been getting the random nose bleeds I’d got with my previous two pregnancies or the heartburn (although saying that, I’m currently writing this with one of those random nose bleeds!). But hey, at least we have all the boys clothes and toys! It’s also more practical than having one of each as it would have made the bedroom situation tricky as they got older. But more to the point how were we going to come up with two more boys names when we already struggled with names for our youngest son!

It was a relief that things were going smoothly and that the consultant was also happy with everything so far. I was also feeling much better about it all having accepted this was our path in life. Although, having suffered pelvic girdle pain in my second pregnancy, it had started a lot earlier this time! Come 20 weeks I was already huge and limited in how far and fast I could walk due to pain in my pelvis, particularly my pubic bone. Time for a self-referral to the physio!

Kate

Read Kate’s other blog here

12-week scan — the twin surprise GUEST BLOGGER

Please welcome my new guest blogger Kate, she will be blogging throughout her pregnancy.

“Are there twins in the family?”, “… no”, “well there are now!”. These were the first words of the sonographer at our 12-week scan. I turned to my husband with tears in my eyes and said, “what are we going to do?”. Bearing in mind we already have two sons- a 6-year-old and 3-year-old and trying for a third wasn’t a decision we took lightly. My husband wanted a dog and I wanted to try for a third. We knew money would be a bit tighter this time around anyway and we didn’t expect any baby gear costs because we still had everything from when the boys were babies.

I immediately had so many thoughts and fears whooshing round my head. “How are we going to afford to raise twins? We’re going to need a new car. How will we cope in our 3-bed house- we certainly can’t afford to move to a bigger house? We’re going to have to get a new buggy, and double everything we already had”. It was just overwhelming! I also never in my wildest dreams wanted four children and was worried what our boys would say—what if they hated us for giving them siblings they didn’t want. I spent the rest of the scan just starring at the screen quietly sobbing and thinking this can’t be happening.

Twin bump

My bump was quite big quite early in the pregnancy, but I put this down to it being my third pregnancy or being further along than I realised because my periods were all out of kilter the few months prior to conceiving. I joked with my husband once “what if it’s twins?!”, not ever actually expecting it to happen!

With no twins in either of our families, it was never something we’d even considered as a risk. Prior to the scan, I was so worried in case they’d find something wrong with the baby or worse, no heartbeat, that I hadn’t thought to worry that there might be more than one in there!

Despite being pregnant before (which were fortunately very straightforward pregnancies and deliveries with midwife-led care), the twin pregnancy journey was becoming a whole new experience with regular 4 weekly scans (after my 20-week scan) and consultant-led care

The Surprise

The twin surprise put me in utter shock, and I was so emotional for the next few weeks with what seemed like a mountain of logistics in front of us to wade through and work out. Helpfully though the boys were super excited to hear about the twins and our eldest wasn’t the least bit worried or concerned about them potentially arriving near his birthday.

For several weeks I felt that this was punishment for being selfish about wanting another child. I felt awful about feeling so ungrateful for the twins knowing there are so many women who would love the opportunity to just have one little life growing inside them, let alone two. I then began to realise though, that twins is no punishment, but rather a blessing. There is a purpose for these two lives and a reason for them. And I am to embrace that, embrace them and embrace the whole twin journey and trust that we wouldn’t have been given the opportunity of being parents of twins, parents of four children, without the provision for it. Who knows, they could even be the ones to find the cure for cancer one day.

So, we will always be left wondering what life would be like had we have decided on a dog instead!

Keep checking back to my blog, Kate will be back soon with another blog! and any twin mums have any tips please share them on my Facebook and Instagram posts.

best wishes

Jess