Guest blogger the motherhood series - baby milestones

It’s been over 3 months since my last blog and oh my goodness how everything has changed. It’s true when they say that no two days are alike with a baby because compared to our lives 3 months ago, everything is so different. Arlo is now rolling (which makes nappy changing a fun game!) smiling, laughing and has such a personality. Something my partner and I didn’t expect (and has been mentioned by our friends also), was for Arlo to have such a personality this early on. He has favourite toys, favourite activities, will sigh if unimpressed (which is adorably cute) and knows when he’s being cheeky.

This little personality just shone through on his first Christmas, he was so excited opening his presents and everything happening throughout the day. As it was his first Christmas, we unashamedly did all the cliche things. We all wore matching pajamas, got a photograph ‘my first Christmas’ bauble for the tree, did a clay indentation of Arlo’s footprint on his first Christmas and my partner even dressed up as Santa for Arlo and his cousin. It was a lovely time of year and amazing memories were made, but now the chaos has calmed down a little I’m finding a lot of reflection happening this January.

Reflection

One thing in particular that I have been reflecting on, which I have been unsure of how to write about, although I feel it’s necessary, is postnatal mental health. I have a lot of experience in mental health, I work in a mental health team, but going through it was different. Not knowing where the line of what’s normal postnatally and where you may need support because it’s not spoken about has been a difficult line to navigate. At first, I would think the severe anxiety of having to constantly check Arlo was ok whilst he was sleeping was normal and just a ‘new mum thing’ but then it turned into becoming distressed even if he was seemingly ok because I was adamant in my mind, I would miss something if he wasn’t ok.

Despite the fact that I knew that I knew my baby, I could hear what was his hunger cry or his sleepy cry, I knew if he was acting a bit grizzly or needed extra comforting, I couldn’t trust myself. Again, it was difficult to know what was new mum anxiety and what was treatable anxiety. How I have found navigating this line, for myself at least, was using my village. When I say village, I mean my network, friends with children, family members, my antenatal class friends who were experiencing motherhood right alongside me.

Once I felt comfortable enough to talk to them about what was actually happening, I found I could find a ‘norm’ to go on based on what others were experiencing, and others candid accounts of with hindsight when they had wished they sought help proved such a valuable support. After this time, what I would say if someone came to me asking questions like I was, is that if you’re worried about your own thoughts and behaviour then that is enough to seek support. If you manage to speak to support and they reassure you what you are experiencing is normal postnatally – terrific.

However, if the support you discuss with suggests some more help is needed, then you’ve begun the first step and things can only improve from there. Needing support, needing medication or therapy, needing assistance with bonding, sleep training or anything else does not make you a failure. Taking that support to make a change, makes you the strongest person your baby can look up too. Also, if anyone’s reading this, whose relating to this account and has sought support themselves – I’m proud of you.

On a different note, we have found some of our favourite activities to do together, Arlo and I, over this past few months. Since Arlo loved his baby massage course so much when he was a newborn I thought I would try a different set of classes once they completed. We’ve begun doing baby yoga and Arlo absolutely loves it, he loves the flying around, funny poses from mummy and most of all the interaction with our wonderful instructor Lucy and the other babies.

I would recommend lulu baby massage & yoga to any mum out there. As well as this, we’ve enjoyed going for walks, spending time with family, going swimming and doing sensory classes with Arlo. If attending sensory classes isn’t practical for you right now, I have found ways to make fun memories doing sensory activities at home. Whilst this was easier over Christmas (little man’s face whenever he saw Christmas lights was the best thing ever), using different lights from around the house, setting play areas up with different colours on books or toys, incorporating different textures into his play like foil blankets or fluffy materials. Arlo in particular, loves mirrors recently and his lion toy that I mentioned in my last blog is still a firm favourite with him.

As well as focusing on our favourite activities from right now, I find it important to also focus on things we’re looking forward to with Arlo in the future – the next one being weening! I may be the overprepared mum whose read about 3 too many books on weaning your baby but I felt gathering more information has helped me feel less anxious about the process and have the ability to be excited about it. My partner absolutely loves to cook and we can’t wait to be able to make meals which we can share with Arlo, his high chair already has it’s rightful place at the head of our dining table. The books I’ve found particularly helpful are Ella’s Kitchen: The First Foods Book and How To Wean Your Baby: The Step By Step Plan To Help Your Baby Love Their Brocolli As Much As Their Cake.

I’m looking forward to writing about our, probably very messy, weaning journey in my next blog post.