Breastfeeding Myths Guest Blog by Sian - No Milk Like Mama’s
Breastfeeding Myths Guest Blog by Sian - No Milk Like Mama’s consultants on breastfeeding in Norfolk 2019
- Breastfeeding is painful
Whilst some discomfort can happen when you first start breastfeeding, truly painful is not ‘normal’ and is a sign that your baby does not have an optimal attachment to the breast. Too many times breastfeeding supporters see women who have struggled on through painful feeds, severe nipple trauma and dreading feeding their baby, with the misconception that it was normal to be painful and they just weren’t coping with this. This can lead to further issues that may take more support to unravel. Getting good quality support in place quickly if breastfeeding is painful can be key to breastfeeding success.
- Breastfeeding mothers get less sleep
It is often thought that breastfeeding mothers get less sleep. However, research has shown us that overall breastfeeding mothers get more sleep. Hormones in breastmilk help our babies fall back to sleep quickly, and the hormones released whilst breastfeeding, help mums to do the same. A breastfeed in the night can usually be a quick and calm way to settle babies back to sleep with minimal disruption.
- I’ll never be able to be away from my baby
In the newborn days it is true to say that breastfeeding can feel quite intense, but so can bottle feeding. Making feeds, heating water, washing bottles, sterilizing, none of this is easy. All mothers work extremely hard. Whilst breastfeeding may feel a little all-consuming in those early weeks, as your baby grows, your breastmilk changes. An increase in the casein: whey protein ratio in breastmilk enables babies to go a little longer between feeds, perhaps giving mum some time to relax and spend some time on herself.
- Breastfeeding will make my breasts ‘saggy’
Nope, you can blame pregnancy hormones, age and a dose of gravity for that one!
- I’ll have to stop when I go back to work
Many babies are already weaned onto solids by the time mum returns to work. Babies can eat meals, snacks and drink water when away from mum and return to the breast when they are reunited. If your baby does accept milk feeds when away from you, this can be given in a sippy or open cup, bottles are not always necessary. Health and Safety laws protect the needs of breastfeeding mothers to enable them to express at work and store their breastmilk.
- I can’t breastfeed if I’m unwell
The opposite could not be truer. It is very important to continue to breastfeed when you are unwell. Your body makes antibodies against the specific virus you have, and these are then given to your baby via your breastmilk, giving them greater protection from this. Aren’t our bodies amazing?!
- I can’t breastfeed if I am taking medication
Many medications are compatible with breastfeeding, and if a medication is not, alternatives can often be found. Please seek support to discuss this further if this concerns you.
- It is easy
Whilst breastfeeding is natural, it is a learned skill of both mother and baby requiring time, patience and support. Good quality, compassionate and consistent support from family, friends, and professionals enables the breastfeeding relationship to be an enjoyable one.
Sian Aldis, International Board Certified Lactation Consultant
IBCLC. BA(Hons). FdSc.
Sian runs No Milk Like Mama’s and hosts a FREE Breastfeeding Support Café at Rowan House (Health & Wellbeing Centre) in Hethersett on the 1st and 3rd Friday of each month between 10am and 12noon. Everyone is welcome to attend this drop in service. For more details of the services offered, please see http://www.nomilklikemamas.co.uk/or find her on Facebook and Instagram.
To book a maternity shoot or newborn feel free to contact me for a chat!
6 tips from a mum down the line for new mums, Norwich
6 tips from a mum down the line for new mums, Norwich 2018
- Trust Your New Mama Instincts.
It’s a cliché, you’ll hear it again and again but trust me. There really is nothing like your new superpowers… the maternal instincts. You know your baby better than anyone if you don’t feel someone is listening to it don’t be afraid to stand tough because at the end of the day its better to overreact than to have something missed. I have never regretted asking for a second opinion or refusing to leave a GP until I was listened to and so far I haven’t been proven wrong.
- ‘I’m overwhelmed and I don’t know if I can do this.’
I don’t know a mum who hasn’t experienced this in some measure: either a wave of this that passed or who was brave enough to talk to someone because it was something more serious.
Please don’t suffer in silence. At the smallest end of the scale I would say breathe, speak to your mum, some friends, your partner, someone you can trust and share the feelings because with so much parenting, ‘it’s just a phase’ even if it doesn’t feel like it.
Be easy on yourself, you are a new mum not wonder woman.
At the other end of the scale, please don’t suffer in silence there is wonderful help out there for post-natal depression, for those anxious from a traumatic birth or for any other feelings that are weighing you down. Please go to your GP for support and advice.
This is not a sign of weakness it is something that happens, and you deserve to be supported through it.
- Birth didn’t go as you expected
It rarely does – as a baby photographer based in Norwich. I hear new birth stories on a weekly basis and I want to say to any new mums to be or freshly made mums – they rarely do.
Be kind to yourself about your experience… if you had a drug free, water birth order in but ended up dosed up on all the drugs and waiting for more… well, if that’s what got you through then amazing! … you made and pushed out a human being!
However, you delivered your baby… you were incredible and you achieved an amazing thing. C-section, natural, home, hospital, epidural, drugs, no drugs… all that matters is there are 2 healthy humans at the end of it. Mum and baby.
- Friendships Can Change.
This was a hard lesson to learn. When your world shifts its centre to a tiny small human it can mean your priorities change and alongside that friends/family member attitudes towards you can also change. This is not a negative commentary, but simply an acknowledgment that life brings people in and out of it for various reasons and for many this is one big turning point in life that moves people in and out of your life.
Friends without children may not understand your new life (I know I didn’t maybe support friends who were new mothers before I became one myself) Girls nights may be rarer, relationships with partners may become strained (have you heard the one about who is more tired?!)
It all gets easier but don’t feel alone if friendships ebb and flow differently. All us mums have experienced it and if you are lucky, you’ll meet some new amazing friends through being a mum.
- Be kind to yourself.
The most important of my points. Be kind. To Yourself. There is so much advice out there for keeping a baby happy… and after all that’s your new role in life. But a happy baby needs to be supported by a happy mum.
Care for yourself as you do your baby…. Nourish yourself, rest, get fresh air and get support when it feels too much. Small things such as watching your favourite film while feeding your baby, having a bath, staying in your PJs all day and just ignoring the washing… it’s not easy but sometimes it is vital.
- Get Some Fresh Air
It’s funny how I resented being forced to have fresh air as a child. However, since the moment my children were born something switched and I genuinely now believe that fresh air can cure anything. Feeling sad? Get fresh air I am lucky living in Norwich there are so many lovely walks. Got a cold? Get fresh air. Feeling stressed? Happy? On the cusp of cabin fever? Fresh air.
Daylight is good for us, walking and moving is good for you and if you want to start exercising a bit post-baby, it’s a lovely, gentle way to start. I always used to invite my new mum friends for walks so we could enjoy it together. I did blog my Norwich top 5 baby friendly cafes 2 of which are in based in a park - win-win walk and cake!
Jess - I am a newborn and family photographer in Norwich, also feel read to read more blogs here.
Norwich Mumbler my new pregnant guest blogger
Norwich Mumbler my new pregnant guest blogger 2018
I always knew I wanted two children. I used to joke to my husband about wanting three just to see him squirm or get cross about what a logistical nightmare it would be etc, etc. but I knew 2 was our number.
YET…along came baby number two and whilst I was ‘soaking her in’ and ‘making the most of her’ because I knew she was our last one, I had this niggle in the back of my head that perhaps we weren’t done. Lots of my friends have said they absolutely, unequivocally knew they were done, but I never felt it!
Fast-forward nearly two years later and we’d sorted out the logistical nightmares of potentially having three children when that little line showed on the pregnancy test! I have to say though, even though it was what we wanted, I was not prepared for the sudden guilt tears that followed.
Guilt for our two girls, who would have the upheaval of a new sibling, guilt that they might think we weren’t happy with just them, guilt for people who can’t conceive, guilt for people who have lost, guilt, guilt, guilt.
It took a little while to get my head around having another baby, our youngest has only just started sleeping through (she’s nearly 2!) and the thought of going back to the 2-hourly wakeups and seemingly constant sleep regressions was HARD but, after two children, I am well-versed in the fact that nothing lasts forever and everything is a ‘phase’. The days are long but the years are short, right?
My last two pregnancies have been very sicky for the first 9 to 15-22 weeks, so when week 9 came with this pregnancy I was ready. Apart from I wasn’t sick – hurrah! I was nauseous from week 6 but nothing that some bitter lemon or a sour Haribo wouldn’t fix. I was so pleased, if not a little smug.
Then BAM, it hit - I thought I’d escaped, but no. Eugh! (and I’m definitely voting for this one being another girl – ha!)
The first 16 weeks have been hard. Doing school runs and running after a ‘strong-willed’ 2-year-old, whilst trying to keep on top of my Norwich Mumbler to-do list (not to mention housework, cooking etc.) hasn’t been the easiest, but there’s finally some light at the end of my ‘morning sickness’ tunnel, so bring on the rest of the second trimester.
Check out my other blogs and we will hear from Katrin again in the future. Please also check out her awesome website, a hub for all things family related! And if you fancy experiencing a newborn shoot with me feel free to contact me for more information.
Guest Blog - Chelsea's Birth Story
Guest Blog – Chelsea’s Birth Story, Norwich Blogger; 2018
This is Chelsea’s final blog to let us know all about her labour and birth at the Norfolk and Norwich hospital, it’s been amazing having her write and blog her first pregnancy a BIG THANK YOU, Chelsea.
Monday 3rd December at 18.27pm was when my life changed for the better. Through the tiredness, tears and sore bits came beautiful blue eyes, tiny toes, and peach fuzz hair.
My long awaited labour came at 41 weeks +3 starting at 1 am on Sunday 2nd with waters breaking and painful cramps. I laid awake wondering when the best time was to poke my husband awake to tell him ‘It’s Happening’, after all, we’re in it together and he needs his sleep to keep me sane when I can’t get mine!
2 hours later I needed to start my ‘Tens Machine’ and I can’t put it on myself so when I eventually plucked up the courage to whisper to Adam that I need him to help me, he freaked… 3 nervous toilet breaks later he was on top form! Keeping my glass topped up, rubbing my back, contacting parents to tell them the news and keeping in touch with MLBU with up to date info on my progression.
By 11 am my ‘Surges’ were 3 in 10 so i rushed over to the MLBU ward whilst laying on top of cushions and blankets my hubby had set out for me on the back seat, like my very own blanket bed listening to our homemade hypnobirthing playlist. Thank god for ‘Spotify’!
After I hobbled into MLBU in the hope that I’d be popping out my baby within an hour or so I found out I was 1cm dilated…CRUSHED…how could that be? My contractions then accelerated to 1min-30sec apart so I was kept in and transferred to Cley ward with an injection of pethidine to help me sleep as I’d been awake close to 35hrs with only 2 hours sleep, 18 of those were in labour.
The following 22hrs were a blur, from being transferred back to MLBU at 4cm, continuing my Hypnobirthing breathing in warm baths then transferred onto the Delivery Suite when I went beyond 24hrs for risk of infection. I then had the beloved Hormone drip and an Epidural (recommended from the MidwiVes).
Some hours later And after pushing for 1hr ½ with minimum pain relief as my epidural was inserted too high, I had a swarm of doctors around me trying to talk to me about intervention. In all honesty, I have no idea who was talking to me about what, I had to sign my life away with reassurance from my hubby on what was best. I was prepped for a forceps delivery and a cesarean section. I was scared and shaking sitting on the edge of the bed clutching my ‘bb hug me’ pillow when my Epidural was whipped out and spinal block inserted. I was given an Episiotomy operation and a manual placenta removal (yep just as unpleasant as it sounds).
My baby was back to back and had shoulder dystocia. My beautiful Arlo was born with large bruising on the back of his head from pushing on my pelvic bone, Lacerations under his right eye from forceps which caused swelling and an eye hematoma. His cry was a horrific painful cry, Arlo was transferred to Nicu to have a cannula for antibiotics and pain relief which is where he went every day.
Off I then went to Blakeney which is where I stayed for a week while we both recover. I discovered my little one and learned how to breastfeed him. The midwives were beyond great.
The NHS is constantly criticised but there’s never enough praise for the amazing job that the midwives, nurses, and surgeons do on a daily basis. I had a 42hr labour and I got through it with the most amazing caring staff. Who are at your bedside for encouragement and hugs when it all your emotions run wild together and my modern day hero hubby who helped me through my pain and discomfort.
I didn’t have the labour I had intended but I would do everything again. Our little Arlo is beyond beautiful and he amazes me every day, and in all honesty, once you look into those big beautiful blue eyes everything is forgotten.
Too soon for another??
If you fancy experiencing a newborn shoot with me feel free to contact me for more information.
The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on… Co- sleeping
The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on… Co- sleeping 2018
Don’t let baby sleep in your bed.
Put them down awake.
Get rid of the dummy.
Put socks on him.
Dream feed them.
Have you tried a banana before bed?
Order a white noise machine, Gro clock, and blackout blinds.
Type in ‘how to get a baby to sleep through the night’, and you will be met with so much conflicting and sometimes very odd advice.
Elijah our first child was always a pretty good sleeper, from around six weeks he slept 7-7 and after about a year he did so in his own room. Other than the odd early wake-up, or a bout of illness and even getting rid of the dummy we have always had it pretty good with him.
We co-slept for a while, it just happened naturally, if he woke up early he would come in with us and we would sleep until a reasonable hour.
I remember being told that this was the worst possible thing to do, we would ‘create a rod for our own backs’, he wouldn’t sleep in his own room and wouldn’t be able to settle himself, etc.
I liked him being close to me, it meant I could keep an eye on him, and as he got bigger I liked it when he snuck in our bed.
Bed hopping
I do vaguely remember there was a time where the three of us would bed hop, between his room, our room and the sofa but do you know what, we still slept.
I got told by someone that if it isn’t a problem for you, then there is no problem and I hand on my heart believe this. We all slept and no it wasn’t the most convenient thing in the world but it kind of worked.
Then came his brother who didn’t quite follow in his brothers footsteps, so much so even now at sixteen months still doesn’t sleep very well.
We thought we had learnt a lot from having Elijah, and we were quite open to co sleeping again if it meant that we all slept but we were not prepared when it came to our little sleep thief.
I even in a sleep deprived state ordered a Ewan the Sheep in hope it would work, it did not.
Take last night, he went to bed in his room, woke up but settled again around five times but as we were approaching the wee hours he came in with us and slept until 7am, and allowed his brother a lay in until 7.30am!
The need for sleep
Some may have an issue about co sleeping and it obviously can be very dangerous in certain situations and I am not necessarily an advocate for it, I am however very much for getting sleep.
I don’t have any worries that by co sleeping that I will have one of them in the bed until they are teenagers.
I think in the first couple of years you are in survival mode and you do what you can to get the illustrious bout of sleep that you think about all day long.
There will be a time where they wont be waking up. Clambering into your bed, kicking you for hours through the night or my personal favourite using your head as a pillow.
It is and when your child doesn’t sleep, and you really do get quite desperate trying everything and anything.
It can be even harder when you know others their age who do sleep, and it can feel as though you are the one doing something wrong.
Once you have had a baby you are in such a rush for them to sleep through the night as we believe that this is an indication of their ability in a way.
Truth be told, I don’t think much helps, they will sleep when and where they want to. A little further down the road something will click and you will be waking up with a toddler heavy breathing in your face demanding that it is time for breakfast and C Beebies.
Three or four in a bed
Strangely, you will begin to miss those times where you woke up with no duvet and neck ache, snuggled up with someone whose nappy is feeling and smelling way too full.
Or when you, your partner, your child and every single one of their teddies have to come in and you find yourself balanced on the edge of the bed not daring to move in case you fall out!
Let go of the pressure, the guilt if you are reading this after a semi-successful night where your baby/toddler/ pre-schooler/ cat and you did share a bed then don’t sweat it.
Once again, if it isn’t a problem for you, it isn’t a problem, try not to compare yourselves.
Different things work for different people, and that’s okay, however, if one of them does still sleep with us when he is in his twenties then I may come back to revisit this!
Vicki Cockerill is a Freelance Content Writer and NICU/CHD Mum to two boys, she authors The Honest Confessions Of A NICU Mum Blog, founded and runs The NICU Parent Partnership Organisation and co-hosts @KnackeredandNorwich Social Club. You can contact her via her blog or social media;
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Guest blog - cake smash with Jess
Guest blog – my cake smash photos with Jess Wilkins Photography, Norfolk Photographer 2018
By Muffin and Puffin & Mollie!
When Jess asked about collaborating for a photoshoot cake-smash I was delighted. It was the perfect timing to mark a milestone birthday, Mollie turning 2 and also gave me an opportunity to bring some local businesses together to celebrate one another, support one another and share some hopefully wonderful content.
Knowing Jess as I do, I wasn’t worried or nervous in the slightest, she has a very calming nature and I knew that Mollie, while I couldn’t guarantee to pose perfection, wouldn’t feel anything other than calm and happy in her studio.
We pulled up with cake and outfits and went straight into her perfect little studio. White, calm, beautiful, natural props and a tiny delicate rail of beautiful baby clothes (how I wish we had come to Jess when Mollie was a few days old!) A little slice of studio heaven.
Mollie was instantly drawn to the props, in particular, the wooden birthday cake (how apt!) and from there it was a breeze. She happily got into her matching Christmas PJs with me (a small request for an image from myself) and before we had a chance to give any sort of direction she had pulled the chair into the middle of the set and started posing. She does not take after me at all(!)
A quick outfit change later into a piece made specially by the very talented Little Dottie Designs and she was back into pose mode… gleefully knocking over the TWO props and delicately eating all the sprinkles from the cake, Mollie was indeed ready for the cake smash photos to commence.
Jess gave no direction; the whole experience was led by Mollie with me guiding her for a few of the shots. We stopped when she stopped, and Jess shot when she was happily eating her Little Cake Company cake (topped beautifully by the topper from the talented Vellamaes) and we also took some fun time-lapse videos from #bts.
In under an hour, it felt that it came to a natural end as there had been no incidents, meltdowns or tears… Mollie truly enjoyed the experience as did I. I have threatened to come back weekly for Jess’ calming influence over my little whirlwind of a toddler.
I cannot recommend Jess enough, she’s a mama herself and she just ‘gets it’ she was efficient without being bossy, she was calm without being airy and it felt more like a playdate than a studio shoot.
There’s not much point waxing lyrical about the final shots – I think they speak for themselves.
Jess can we come back for every birthday?
Sophie x
Pregnancy guest blogger 35 weeks- hypnobirthing & antenatal classes
Pregnancy guest blogger 35 weeks- hypnobirthing & antenatal classes in Norwich 2018
Waking up on the floor, dazed and confused…I was obviously quite receptive to a hypnotised Alpha Brain state… Or if not… I was very tired!
We saw the wonderful Jackie – owner of ‘The Orange Grove Clinic’ for a weekend of Hypnobirthing. She was great! Honest, informative and reassuring. We studied Balloon breathing, Feather breathing, and Deep breathing whilst pelvic tilting on a Bouncy ball all on a Saturday and Sunday afternoon. I now feel like I understand what my clever body will go through. I never thought I would be able to have a water birth or be able to give birth to my baby without medical intervention, I now truly believe that I am capable of doing whatever I wish for our little one’s big day. I feel more empowered than ever. Go, women!
We have begun our Antenatal classes this month. ‘Birth to Babies’ was what we opted for. Our team of new parent troops are lovely, and our tutor Sian is very informative and makes the evening entertaining. We group up in small numbers to express fears and then try to solve them, we test out birthing positions, strategies and discuss the role of our other halves. I’m now part of a ‘Yummy Mummy’s’ group in which we share advice and plan catch ups over must needed coffee and cake.
Sometimes it’s nice to get away from it all, so my hubby and I had a treat night away at Park Farm. Swimming in their warm pool feeling light and bouncy and lounging in our luxury suite was just what we needed. I’m a sucker for a freebie, so coming into our room with salted caramel and hazelnut chocolate, wrapped up in ribbon on the bed accompanied by a bottle of ice cold Shloer (pregnancy wish) was such a treat and I felt super special.
After our romantic getaway, we thought we would make a detour to visit to the MLBU ward. We rang ahead and they confirmed it was quiet that day so we should pop up to visit. The rooms we could sneak a peek into had dimmed lighting, twinkly lights and birthing pools, which is perfect for me to use my new hypnobirthing techniques along with my portable music sound system, essential oils spray and battery candles… Like a spa they say. All of the midwives at N&N have been reassuring friendly and we are so lucky to be having our baby in their safe hands!
On a final note, we are PACKED! Everything prepared in the boot rearing to go. I’ve tried to cleverly pack my bag that my hubby knows where to look for my ‘Give me this item now’ when I’m squealing at him and throwing raised eyebrows in his direction. Baby’s bag was the best to pack as I get to sit there all teary eyed deciding on which baby grow I love the most, and looking through the tiny socks and booties trying to match to the outfit. Hubby’s bag is filled with pants and food…. Standard.
Chelsea
read Chelsea’s other guest blogs here 🙂
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The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on…. Baby Classes Norfolk
The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on…. Baby Classes Norfolk 2018
So, it seems that once you’ve got the baby out of you then you have to then suddenly fill your calendar with sensory classes, baby massage and bounce and rhyme classes.
During my pregnancy with my eldest, I can’t really remember finding local baby classes or planning to attend them. It was more than likely the fact others were doing it and me feeling like I should too!
I was quite fortunate to live a few minutes from a local children’s centre where they held most of the baby classes in my town.
Even looking back now I remember baby classes with conflicting emotions.
Elijah had colic so someone had suggested baby massage and I did put our names down to see if it would help.
By this point, we had endured a NICU stay, and were waiting for a surgery date. I began to decline mentally and certainly remember feeling panicky about attending the class.
Luckily my friend also attended with me, but I still feeling some afraid that people would pick out me as the NICU Mum, and I didn’t want their pity. I was going through a really bad time of accepting what we had been through, and also what we would have to go through and meeting other mums with their healthy babies was hard.
I briefly mentioned it to the teacher in case there was any sort of medical restriction and I saw the pity in her eyes.
I did what I do best, and deflected it, providing some distraction was also Elijah who had projectile vomited all over one of those brightly coloured mats.
As much as baby classes are great for getting you out of the house, for meeting other mums I think there is also a slightly darker side to them, well that’s my experience anyway.
I found I was always comparing myself to others, and my baby too, who was bigger, was sleeping better, who was doing what.
There is also a fear of judgement when I whipped my Tommee Tippee out of the changing bag, I felt like I was failing.
This is likely just a representation of my mental state at the time, and I am even now, very socially awkward.
I did find it quite hard to go into a room full of parents I didn’t know and to me felt as though I was being put on trial.
I tended to feel comfortable with certain mum friends and would prefer just a house playdate rather than sitting in a circle singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
Over the first 18 months with Elijah, we attended them sporadically, but I just don’t think we found the right fit for us. We also had a lot going on with NICU surgery, recovery etc they were just not on my top list of priorities.
I think there is a stigma surrounding baby classes too, I know of some wonderful ladies whom I have met who run their own classes and I am sure they would have certainly been better suited to us.
There are some great baby classes now on offer that are now offering something different from the norm that also helps the parents out too (links below).
Greg always felt the odd one out as he tended to be the only dad and I just didn’t feel comfortable enough to keep going back.
I haven’t actually taken Harlow to a baby class and I do beat myself up he is missing out but the truth is with two kids, and a trillion schedules to manage we just don’t have time. He is quite happy to play with Elijah and friends.
It has saddened me that many Children’s Centres are closing and this is where many baby classes are held, and despite me not using them much I know how important they are to others and having the access of them.
It is funny how we as parents put so much pressure on ourselves to sensor the hell out of our little ones believing it is what we should be doing at a detriment to ourselves.
I worry about this unnecessary pressure on vulnerable new mums and wish I could go back and tell that panicked mum it was all okay and it doesn’t matter because you are just doing your best.
Happy mum/dad, happy baby whether you go to baby class or not.
Yoga Babies
Baby Fit
Waterbabies
Beebops
Vicki Cockerill is a Freelance Content Writer and NICU/CHD Mum to two boys, she authors The Honest Confessions Of A NICU Mum Blog and co-founded the @KnackeredandNorwich Social Club and campaigns for NICU and MMH issues. You can contact her via her blog or social media;
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Be a self-care goddess this winter - GUEST BLOG
Be a self-care goddess this winter - Guest blog from Sophie aka Muffin and Puffin 2018
Let's chat self-care. As the season draws in; showcasing autumnal hues, big knitwear, pumpkins, the quality street on the shelves and the Harry Potter movies every Saturday night - it seems that hunkering down and enjoying life indoors is here for the foreseeable. Truly, it’s my favourite season but also a season where I find I sit on a delicate balance of the blues and the joys. So, I thought I would write myself a list of things to ensure I look after my self and those around me to keep it on the side of joy as much as possible.
Plan
Ever look in the shops at this time of year and wonder who is going to all these Christmas parties and where are those Christmas parties that warrant so many sequins and dresses? Well, I’m not being invited to them, so I’ll make my own plans. Christmas outings, mince pies and hot chocolates with friends, woodland walks (forest bathing is IN this season) baking, movie and duvet days. I always find having small things to look forward to improves my mood greatly.
Listen
I’ve really started to enjoy podcasts… loud music makes me happy, nothing can beat insomnia-faithless while cleaning the bathroom (how rock n roll) but I’ve actually discovered some wonderful podcasts that lift my mood. Right now, I’m listening to ‘Couples Therapy’ with Casey and Candice Neistat and Dolly Alderton’s ‘Love Stories’ also an oldie but a goodie for comedy is the ‘Adam and Joe show’ for BBC6 music. Go forth and listen!
Treat
Winter can be a season of excess and with that comes guilt but eat the naughty stuff just in moderation! For me, it’s not just mince pies but online shopping. There’s no greater thrill than a package in the post!
Cook
I love being in the kitchen, but a sleepless toddler makes those meals from scratch hard to make in the evening… so instead I’m planning on making chutney and sugars and various baking items and involving her in the process. Time in the kitchen in therapeutic for me… the process of selecting ingredients, chopping and then enjoying the final result… me time and a delicious meal or treat at the end.
Hobby
I am a total one for trying new things, but I’ll admit I don’t always see them through. I desperately want to be able to crochet… I bought all the gear and worked for 6 hours trying to crochet a basic square. I gave up…. So, this year I’m working on my photography and trying to read as much as I can… hobbies don’t have to be all about craft!
Alone
This is becoming more apparent that it is something I don’t just need but is a necessity. I am an all-around better person if I have managed to have a few hours in the week where it is just me and my headspace. Now go away, it’s Netflix time.
Screens
I have been told this is a good idea… I am yet to set the rules as my job is social media and that relies on phones and screens, but I need to set boundaries with my phone and create some ‘no phone zones’! So, I’ll be making a conscious effort this winter to unplug from technology and be fully present.
Move
I won’t lie I fall in and out of love with exercise daily, I’ve never regretted a workout, but I struggle with the motivation to get there. So, I’m going to embrace the movement I do enjoy – walking. I love being outside on a cold crisp day and so does my little one. Exercise and valuable time together… the perfect combination of self-care.
So that’s my self-care list, there’s plenty more I’m sure and if you have any other suggestions then let me know!
Sophie
Sophie Lynn
Owner @ Muffin&Puffin
‘A mini marketing company’
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The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on… PND Guest blog
The Honest Confessions of a NICU Mum on… PND 2018
Those three little letters changed my life in a way I never thought they could.
They held so much power over me, they changed me, I turned on myself and my family because of those three little letters.
I had suffered with my mental health after Elijah was in the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), but after my second son was born, Post-Natal Depression (PND) consumed me.
The signs
Looking back in those first few weeks after Harlow was born I knew more about how my mental health could take a battering after having a baby than I did the first time around.
It all seems to be a blur now, establishing feeding, sleep deprivation, recovery and watching my eldest struggle with the transition and my partner feeling the brunt of it all.
I cannot remember when it started, it didn’t really build up as such.
It most certainly was not just a bad case of the ‘baby blues’ it was so much more.
I remember finding a leaflet about PND in my Bounty folder and how it spoke about it didn’t reflect how I was feeling, it didn’t talk about the reality of what it was really like to have PND.
The anger
When you think of PND you probably think of a mum unable to cope, crying and one that isn’t able to love her child.
That isn’t a correct portrayal of PND, the information in things such as antenatal classes is severely lacking.
I wasn’t just weepy, I was emotionally volatile, the smallest thing would set me off.
I remember feeling so out of control, the rage would build in me and literally explode.
Never have I been so scared of myself.
It was as though I had my baby, came home lived in the newborn bubble for a few days and boom there it was, PND knocking at my door.
Auto Pilot
I vividly remember a time where Elijah was at his Nan’s and Greg was at work. I was on my own with the baby binge-watching Netflix and living in that feed, sleep and repeat the cycle. As I got ready to feed him again one afternoon I looked down and I remember feeling numb. There was no rush of love, no happiness, there was nothing.
It was as though I was on autopilot, I was doing everything that was expected of me, but without at real emotion attached to it.
I don’t think I truly bonded with Harlow until he was perhaps nearly a year old, and of course, I beat myself up about it every single day.
Help
Because I was so unaware of what was happening when I was ill with Elijah, I let it fester, too ashamed to get help. To understand that what I was feeling was actually ‘normal’ per se and that my baby wouldn’t be taken away from me. It took my first year with Elijah away from me and I knew I couldn’t let it happen again.
At my 6 week check, I told my GP how I was feeling, and she instantly diagnosed PND, there they were those three little letters.
The ones that defined me for what seemed like months, the ones who took over even with medication, therapy and my usual outlet of blogging.
It took me so long to claw myself out of depression, it resulted in me moving in with my Nan so she could help with the children.
Break Down
Greg stood by me the whole time, always the pillar that held our family up. He never judged me when I broke down and said I was miserable, that maybe we shouldn’t have had another baby, that I was a rubbish mum and wanted to leave.
Day after day I told him they were better off without me, I was a failure.
The sense of failure I felt for those months was draining, it affected every part of my being, my life and I couldn’t even recognize who I was anymore.
Advice
I have often wondered about what I would tell someone to do if they think they have PND, or what they can do. One thing I pride myself on is honesty. It has at times be hard to be so honest when I write down and recall how I felt when I suffered from PND, it was pure hell.
But, here is my advice (based on my own experiences, this is not a one size fits all miracle cure)
- Always talk, no matter how bad you feel, how dark your thoughts are, if you feel you cannot vocalize them to someone you trust, write them down. Sometimes hearing the words, or seeing them on the page helps you rationalise them, process them. You must always be open and honest no matter how hard that it. When we begin to hide it, suffer in silence, it festers.
- Never fear judgment from anyone. Many mums and dads have PND it is nothing to ever be ashamed of and it doesn’t reflect your parenting ability in the slightest.
- Find something you enjoy, a bath, a book, write a blog, go for a walk whatever makes you feel as though you are you again, make it a priority. If you can try and get out for a walk now and again (GMOT4W can help locally in Norfolk with this!)
- This is the hard one, but seek help. From a GP, midwife, charity (I have listed some below) they can help you, advise you and they are not there to judge you.
- Take one day at a time, small steps, they will turn into bigger steps, and you will find there will be a time where there are more good days than bad. It can be hard to believe it when you are in the trenches but one day you feel like you again.
- Someone is likely to have gone through what you have, felt how you have felt at some point, it really is okay to be honest you are never alone.
Mind
Vicki Cockerill is a Freelance Content Writer and NICU/CHD Mum to two boys, she authors The Honest Confessions Of A NICU Mum Blog and co-founded the @KnackeredandNorwich Social Club and campaigns for NICU and MMH issues. You can contact her via her blog or social media;
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