Carly – motherhood blogger 6-9 month update

6-9 month Kobe update. The most heartbreaking blog update.

My last blog I touched on the fact my Mum had been admitted to hospital & in such a short amount of time between the two blogs, it still doesn’t seem possible or real, but, my Mum, my best friend & the best Nanny to Kobe has passed away.

There were so many times during mums hospital admission & the times she was at home that I felt so torn, the overbearing feel of needing to be the best Mummy to Kobe, but also needing to be there for my Mum & to be the best daughter to her when she needed me the most. This overwhelming feeling more often than not left me feeling that I was failing in both, but ultimately all that Kobe needed was to be with his Mummy and family, to feel that constant love & to spend as much time as he could with his Nanny.

I am so lucky with Kobe that he is just such a content & happy little boy. He just goes with the flow with everything. The amount he has already been through in his short life, with his silent reflux, moving house, losing my Grandad (his great Grandad) & then through my mums secondary cancer diagnosis in May & all of the hospital visits, Kobe just takes it all in his stride.

Kobes weaning journey continues, he loves his food! He hasn’t had a single thing he doesn’t like (yet). Even liking sucking on a slice of lime. I can’t say that I’ve been doing anything in particular with weaning.. I thought I would be doing home cooking & prepping for him, making him lots of tasty treats & doing baby led weaning. But in reality with the way my maternity leave has led us, I’ve barely been at home, I’ve been here, there & everywhere with my Mum so this hasn’t gone as I had “planned”. But, ultimately a fed baby is what is needed and he is happy & thriving. It’s only been in the last few weeks that I have felt I have been able to start to trial making things for him, he absolutely loves my homemade yoghurts for him. Seeing him enjoying things I’ve made for him is such a lovely feeling. Kobe got his first tooth come through at 7 months, it took a little while for his second to come through, but he got his second bottom tooth & two top teeth all at the same time at 8months, the next two are just peeping through as well.

At the end of June Kobe had his first family holiday to sunny Hunny with his Mummy & Daddy. This wasn’t what we had planned as it was meant to be for my parents as well, but with mums diagnosis, my parents didn’t come with us & we were so close to cancelling altogether. But they both still wanted for us to go for Kobe & make some memories for him. It was the most bittersweet holiday. Kobe absolutely loved it, but we were constantly feeling sad for my parents not being with us & feeling like we should be with my Mum. Kobe had so many firsts again, he went in his first playground, on a swing with Mummy, he LOVED the kids club in the evenings, the music & characters. His favourite is people watching! We went swimming everyday, which he gets so so excited for. Went to the sealife centre & the beach where he had his first dip in the sea, chippy chip & ice cream (you just have to at the coast don’t you ) & we even got to feed some duckies as Mummy is a duck whisperer!

We tried to make a lot of memories & normality as much as we could for Kobe, but also so that my Mum could be apart of things with him too. So when we had the beautiful summer weather, Kobe went in his first paddling pool & being such a water baby he loved splashing around & doing bum slams in the water & Mum was able to come outside in the shade & watch him having the time of his life in the water.

After losing my Mum, Kobe has definitely been my rock & my purpose. I really don’t know how I would cope without him. On all of the days I feel like I can’t get up or can’t get through the day, Kobe is my reason & my purpose to keep going. But equally, every little new milestone or question I’ve got I just want to speak to my Mum & so much has changed already. Even silly things like Kobe sitting in a trolley for the first time, his teeth, he’s now clapping, he’s now doing a proper crawl rather than his army commando crawl, he’s now waving hi & bye. Kobe & my Dad are little besties & we have been spending so much time with him. My mums funeral was such a blur, I was determined to stand up & speak in the service & I am so pleased that I did. At the commital Kobe waved goodbye to my Mum .

We also celebrated Daddy’s birthday, his first one as being a Daddy. This fell a few days after my Mums funeral, but I tried my best to make it as special for him as I could, although he’s really never bothered about his birthday, he still deserved a special day & Kobe enjoyed opening daddy’s presents with him. We’ve had some little family days out & went to Taverham Mill to see the highland cows.

Going in to September I am starting some KIT days at work & planning what my next steps are with going back to university & planning childcare/nursery for Kobe. Luckily I’ve got a lot of annual leave to use up, so it will be a slow transition back to work until the new year. I’m trying to find my new version of a ‘normality’, I’ve started getting back in to seeing friends again, we had our first soft play play date with one of my friends & her little boy.

It seems so surreal that I am planning things for Kobe without my Mum being there or being involved, but I know she would want me to carry on doing things for Kobe. The thought of Christmas and Kobes first birthday without her breaks my heart, but I know I need to put my feelings aside to try & make it as special as possible for him & I know with all of the butterflies & robin visiting in my garden that she is here with us